(From the Daily Mail)
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CHIROPODIST AND KEITH MOON ?
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF A DRUMMER IS AT THE DOOR ?
WHAT DO YOU CALL A DRUMMER THAT BREAKS UP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND ?
WHATS THE LAST THING A DRUMMER EVER SAYS IN A BAND ?
HOW MANY DRUMMERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB (I) ?
HOW MANY DRUMMERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB (II) ?
HOW MANY DRUMMERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB (III) ?
AND, WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DRUMMER AND A DRUM-MACHINE ?
In the early days of his career, Elton John was approached to do background music for a movie.
He wrote the music without seeing the script, so, when the previews
came up, he arrived at the cinema wondering what the movie would
be like. Looking around, he noticed he was sitting next to
Alice Cooper. When the movie started, Elton was stunned to discover
it was one of the hardest hard-core porn films he`d ever seen.
Deeply embarrassed, he turned to Alice and whispered,
WHAT DO YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO HANGS AROUND WITH MUSICIANS ?
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU PLAY COUNTRY & WESTERN MUSIC BACKWARDS ?
HOW MANY FOLK SINGERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB ?
Doctor to old guitar player wearing dark-glasses,
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF THERE IS A HEAVY ROCK SINGER AT THE DOOR ?
HOW DO YOU GET A HEAVY ROCK GUITAR PLAYER TO STOP PLAYING ?
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOUR ROADIE IS DEAD ?
WHAT DOES CLANNAD MUSIC SOUND LIKE PLAYED BACKWARDS ?
WACKO JOKE-O
WHY IS A GRAND PIANO BETTER THAN A SYNTHESIZER ?
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE JAMES LAST ORCHESTRA AND A COW ?
HOW DO YOU TURN A DUCK INTO A SOUL SINGER ?
HAVE YOU HEARD THAT MEATLOAF HAS CHANGED HIS NAME ?
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A ROCK MUSICIAN AND A PEP ?
WHATS THE DEFINITION OF MIDDLE-AGE ?
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SPICE GIRLS ALBUM AND A PORN MOVIE ?
Two Police officers attending a suicide scene are approached by the pathologist, who, when
asked whats happened, says,
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN HIPPIES HAVE BEEN STAYING WITH YOU ?
WHAT DO HIPPIES SAY WHEN THEY`VE RUN OUT OF DOPE ?
Prince Charles has given up painting, and now wishes to be addressed as,
WHO IS THE WORLDS GREATEST OPTIMIST ?
WHATS THE DEFINITION OF PERFECT PITCH ?
Oh ... and did you hear about the man who robbed a music shop,
Get Back - to Beatle Homepage ... or click your browser "back" button to return from whence you came !
A chiropodist bucks up your feet
The knocking speeds up
Homeless
"Hey guys ... why dont we try one of my songs ?"
Just One, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much
better Ginger Baker would have done it.
None, they have a machine to do that now.
You only have to punch the instructions into a drum-machine once.
"Actually, I only came along to hear my music."
"Yeah, man", said Alice, "and I only came along to see my snake."
A bass player.
You sober up, your wife comes home, and your dog comes back to life.
Five: one to change the bulb, and a quartet to sing about
how much better the old one was.
"Its bad news I`m afraid ... it seems there aint no cure for the summertime blues."
He doesn`t know when to come in, and can`t find the key.
Put some sheet music in front of him.
The doughnut falls out of his hand.
Clannad music.
At the end of a gruelling world tour, Michael Jackson was being
chauffeured back to his ranch in a stretch limo.
"You know", he squeaked to the driver, "I`ve never driven one of these,
could I try it out ?".
The driver could hardly refuse, so Michael settled behind the wheel,
and the chauffeur climbed into the back.
Excited by this new experience, Michael started to accelerate until
the limo was topping 100 m.p.h., at this point he saw the flashing
lights of a state trooper`s vehicle in his rear-view mirrors and
dutifully pulled over.
The trooper looked at Michael and stepped back, "Excuse me Sir,"
he said, "I`d better call this one in".
The trooper radio`d headquarters: "Listen Chief, I`ve just pulled over
a really important person and I`m not sure what to do."
"Who is it ?" asked his chief, "not the State Governor again ?".
"No, this guy is much more important," said the trooper.
"More important than the Governor !" yelled the Chief, "Who the hell
is it then ?"
"I`m not absolutely certain," said the trooper, "but his chauffeur
is Michael Jackson"
It makes more noise when you throw it off a hotel balcony.
The latter has the horns at the front, and the arsehole at the back.
Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers.
He`s now, "The Artist formerly known as Mince"
Eventually a PEP matures and earns money.
When all the CD`s you want to buy are on budget labels.
The porn movie occasionally has good music.
(thanx to Phil Spector for that one)
"Its a strange case of nature imitating art ..... He blew his mind
out in a car, he didn`t notice that the lights had changed."
They`re still there.
What IS this awful music ?
"Prince formerly known as Artist".
A banjo player with a pager.
Throwing Phil Collins into a skip without him touching the sides.
and got caught with the lute ?
